We had some great banter with our friends from New Zealand at this year’s national conference in Melbourne. However, most Aussies draw the line when it comes to offending our national cricket team. So when Auckland’s SCNZ Andrew Kerr had a chance to share some comforting words he instead sent us these disturbing Aussie cricket jokes.

What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne? A waiter.

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer? Retired.

What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.

Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven’t got any openers.

What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson? They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
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Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team? The woman who irons their cricket whites.

What’s the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ? A vacant lot.

What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car? Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.

What’s the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director? A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.
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NB: In 2016 we will be inviting all SCA Chaplains to join the SCNZ Conference. Stay tuned.